


I Did Not Fall, But I Will Still Rise

by I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Blood, Family, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Destiel - Freeform, Implied Suicide Attempts, Lucifer's Cage, Not Beta Read, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Repressed Memories, Sam-Centric, end of season 11, my take on how season 12 could've started in my messed up mind, sabriel if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 03:24:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9800672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting/pseuds/I_Wish_I_Was_Interesting
Summary: “SAMMY!” Dean’s voice pierced the air as he saw his brother covered in blood and strapped to a chair. Sam’s head moved slightly at the sound of Dean’s voice but he just shook his head not daring to look up. Sam had been tortured before, he had spent nearly 200 years at Lucifer’s mercy and then when he finally escaped that horror, he was forced to see him where ever he went and that nearly broke him. But it didn’t. While the devil was riding shotgun, Sam had Dean. Sure their relationship was messed up, it had its ups and it sure as hell had its downs, they had died countless times for each other and tore the world apart for each other, but no matter what, they had each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wrote this because I was inspired by the mass amounts of fanfics I was reading. This is my first time writing and first time posting anything ever, so i'm absolutely terrified and i apologize for the many mistakes I know this will have, feel free to point them out to me in the comments. The fic starts from Sam being rescued after the kidnapping at the end of season 11, but the British MoL don’t actually exist in this so Sam was taken by someone else, but yeah I’ve also made it so he was taken for a week before Dean came in guns blazing to rescue him. Enochian is in **bold** and I own nothing but my mistakes.

“SAMMY!” Dean’s voice pierced the air as he saw his brother covered in blood and strapped to a chair. Sam’s head moved slightly at the sound of Dean’s voice but he just shook his head not daring to look up. Sam had been tortured before, he had spent nearly 200 years at Lucifer’s mercy and then when he finally escaped that horror, he was forced to see him where ever he went and that nearly broke him. But it didn’t. While the devil was riding shotgun, Sam had Dean. Sure their relationship was messed up, it had its ups and it sure as hell had its downs, they had died countless times for each other and tore the world apart for each other, but no matter what, they had each other. Now, now Dean was gone. Gone and he blew up God’s sister with him. Hearing his voice was like a knife wrenched into his gut. Whatever the hell they’d given him apparently hadn’t worn off yet and now he was forced to relive his greatest hits. Manipulated by Meg, Ruby, Lilith, Lucifer, Crowley and countless more. Being the reason his mum, dad, Jess, Madison, Sarah, Gabriel, Kevin, Charlie and so many more, too many more were dead. And then there’s Dean. He had let him down countless times and each time Dean took him back. “Sammy? Come on man, talk to me!” There was the voice again. But there was something different this time. A pair of cool hands went around Sam’s face forcing it upright. “Come on, open your eyes,” Dean whispered. Slowly Sam’s eyes fluttered open and he saw Dean’s face mere centimetres from his own.  
“Dean?” Sam asked his voice raspy from lack of water. The most he’d gotten at his delightful stay was when they were continuously pouring cold water on him as if that would be more than a slight inconvenience.  
“Hey there Sammy.” Dean whispered smiling slightly.  
Sam shook his head, “You can’t- you- Amara and… Dean, you’re dead!” Sam exclaimed.  
“Yeah well you know us Winchester’s never can stay dead. Anyway turns out Amara and God just needed to have a heart to heart chat.” Dean said not letting go of Sam’s face.  
Sam roughly swallowed look at Dean in confusion.  
“Dean?” A new voice said. It was quiet and feminine and sounded kind of familiar.  
Dean turned to face the voice but still covered Sam’s view from seeing the woman. Dean muttered something to her before turning to face Sam again. “Alright mate, this is gonna be a shock but I need you to stay with me, can you do that?” Dean asked.  
“Dean who…?”  
“Can you do that?” Dean repeated sharply.  
Sam fought the urge to roll his eyes at his brother, “Yes Dean,” he said only slightly mocking him.  
Dean moved out the way to the back of the chair where he began to undo Sam’s binding. Suddenly a blonde woman came into view. Sam’s heartbeat increased rapidly as he gasped quietly. Recognition flooded his eyes as the woman cautiously and hesitantly approached him. “Mum?” he asked quietly.  
Mary gave a watery smile as she choked down her sob of seeing her son so bloody and hurt. “Hey baby, how’re you doing?”  
“How am I- Mum how are you here? What the hell happened!” Sam exclaimed.  
“It was Amara.” Dean said gruffly.  
“Amara?” Queried Sam.  
“Yeah Amara, she wanted to give a thank you present for making her and God talk and she sent mum.” Dean replied. “Can you walk?” Dean asked as he finished undoing Sam’s restraints.  
“Uh, yeah… I think so.” He said whilst starting to get up accepting Deans offered help. Sam’s figure easily slumped against Dean’s as they walked to the door that Mary held open for them. As they hobbled to the Impala, Dean let Sam down into the front seat when Sam winced in pain.  
“Sammy?” Dean said his face full of concern.  
Sam didn’t reply but instead shook his head pushing Dean’s arms away.  
“I’m going to call Cas.” Dean said when suddenly Sam’s hand grabbed his arm.  
“No. just, just wait till we get back to the bunker, okay?  
Dean frowned but didn’t push the matter. He turned to see Mary hesitantly wait behind him. He gave a small smile and opened the back door for her. Mary smiled and as she got in squeezed Dean’s hand sending a shiver down Dean’s back in excitement. His mum was back, Sam was back. Things were going to be okay.

Sam sighed in relief as he collapsed on his bed. “Thanks Dean” he mumbled into his pillow.  
Dean snorted as he tenderly ruffled the kid’s hair.  
“Hey Dean?” Sam asked quietly.  
“Yeah, man.” Dean answered.  
“Is that really mum or have I gone crazy again.”  
Dean smiled, “That’s really mum kiddo, we got her back.”  
“And no catches?” Sam asked.  
“No catches.” Dean replied. Sam stifled a yawn as Dean smirked, the kid looked like he hadn’t got any sleep for the past week he was gone. “Come on big boy, bed time.”  
“No, I’m fine.” Sam said stifling another yawn.  
Dean chuckled to himself quietly as he began to hum hey Jude and smiled as Sam passed out not even halfway through the song. Dean quietly got up and turned to see Mary leaning against the door frame smiling. Dean pointed out there insinuating they should talk outside. Mary nodded and moved out the way holding the door open for Dean.  
“Hey,” Dean said as soon as the door was slowly and quietly closed.  
“Hey Jude. I used to sing that to you when you were young.” Mary smiled.  
Dean blushed slightly, “Yeah well it kind of became a habit for when he couldn’t sleep.”  
“Will he be okay?” Mary asked glancing at the closed door.  
Dean’s impassive face broke character for a second as a look of pain and concern fluttered over it before the mask returned. “Yeah he’ll be fine, he’s strong.”

Dean groaned as he woke up to the sound of the shrill ringing coming from his phone. Half asleep, he fumbled awkwardly for his phone and saw it had no caller ID he recognised. “Hello,” He said groggily.  
“Dean.” replied a gruff voice.  
“Cas! Are you okay? Where are you?” Dean exclaimed.  
“Dean, I’m fine. I was banished again. I’m in Lincoln, Nebraska. I didn’t have my mobile phone on me so I had to get to a pay phone.”  
Dean ran a hand through his hair, fully awake now. “Yeah, I guessed when you didn’t answer my calls. So how long will it take you to get back?”  
“A couple of hours.” Cas replied.  
Dean began nodding even though he knew no one could see it, “Okay, Cas just hurry back.”  
“Dean, did you rescue Sam?”  
“Yeah, he’s resting… he says he’s fine but dude, he’s real beat up. I’m going to look at his injuries once he wakes up and fix what I can before you get back.” Dean said wiping a handover his stressed face.  
“You didn’t check him last night?” Cas asked curiously.  
“Nah, none of his injuries seemed life threatening and he really looked like he needed some sleep.”  
“Okay, well I’ll make my way to you, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”  
“Alright, thanks Cas.” Dean said.  
With a final beep the line went dead and Dean made his way to the kitchen for coffee. As he walked through the library, he was astounded to see a bruised and hurt, yet also showered and dressed, Sam sitting at a desk pouring over a book.  
“Sam!” Dean exclaimed.  
Sam looked up and gave a tired smile. “Hey Dean.” He said before looking back down and continued his reading.  
“Don’t you hey Dean me!” Dean yelled walking over to him.  
Sam looked up again, surprise and confusion written all over his face, “Dean…?”  
Dean walked over to Sam and slammed his book shut.  
“Dean!” Sam yelled, confused at the sudden aggression.  
Dean forced Sam up and made him put an arm around him as he led him back to Sam’s room.  
Sam finally understanding what was going on pulled against Dean and sighed, “Dean…”  
“Sammy, you are going back into your room, I’m going to check your injuries and patch up what I can and then you’re going to lie down and watch Netflix until Cas gets back.” Dean said forcibly.  
“Dean, I get your worried that I’m hurt, but I’m really okay. Seriously, they didn’t even have any interesting to torture me with,” Dean didn’t stop pulling him gently yet firmly to his room. “Look Dean, I’m okay, seriously, I err… I probably don’t even need Cas to heal me.” Sam said looking awkwardly at the ground as he said the last part.  
Dean, surprised at what Sam had just said, stopped trying to drag him away and turned to look at him bewildered. “Sam, have you looked at yourself recently, of course you’re getting healed by Cas don’t be stupid.”  
As if those words signalled the end of that discussion, Dean continued to try and pull Sam away from the desk. Sighing to himself, Sam allowed himself to be dragged back to his room.

“Okay Sammy, what’s hurting?” Dean asked pulling out the first aid kit.  
“Dean…” Sam started as a warning.  
“Sam...” Dean mocked, “Come on off with the clothes.”  
Sam rolled his eyes muttering, “At least buy me dinner first,” Whilst complying and removing his shirt to reveal an array of scratches and cuts and bruises.  
“Jesus, Sammy. Why didn’t you say anything?” Dean whispered.  
Sam shrugged, “Because I’m fine and I didn’t want you to get your panties in a twist which I knew you would if you had to sleep on knowing I got a bit beat up.”  
“Sam…” A new voice said softly.  
Sam closed his eyes. He hadn’t wanted Mary to see the full damage of what happened. Opening his eyes, but not looking up to catch his mother’s gaze, he fumbled to put his shirt back on.  
Sam then felt Dean’s familiar firm grip on his arm stopping him from putting the shirt back on, “Nah uh Sammy, we need to clean these and…” Dean’s voice trailed off as his gaze dropped down to Sam’s shot leg and burnt foot. “Sam. Pants off now.”  
“What, Dean! No!” Sam gave a quick glance up at Mary and blushed ever so slightly. Mary didn’t notice it, no one would. It was such a small tinge to his pale cheeks that it easily could have been passed off as natural colour change but Dean knew better.  
Dean walked over to the door where Mary was silently standing. “Hey mum,” Dean felt a tingle go down his back in excitement at saying mum aloud, “Would it be alright if you waited in the lounge room, just while I sort him out.” He said quietly so Sam couldn’t hear.  
Mary glanced at her bloody and bruised son and had to choke a sob back at seeing him in pain. All she could do is nod and plant a small kiss on Dean’s cheek before walking off and leaving them. She hated that her sons were in this life. Even more the fact it was her fault.  
“You didn’t have to do that,” Sam mumbled looking down at the ground.  
Dean hid a smirk, “Yeah but I would have gotten distracted with her watching me, I might accidently cut off a limb,” Dean said teasingly lightly hitting Sam on the arm. “But seriously, off with the pants.”  
Sam bit his lip and slowly took off his sweats he’d put on after the shower he had when he had woken up. He then removed the bandage from his leg causing a groan from Dean and then as he took off the bandage from his foot he heard Dean inhale sharply.  
“Sammy…” He whispered, “What did they do to you.”  
Sam shrugged. “When Cas and I got back, he got banished and I got shot in the leg. From there some guy patched me up a bit and their pathetic cold shower didn’t exactly have much of an effect, no surprise there I mean honestly, tortured by the devil who runs pretty cold and they still thought anything they had would actually get to me, so I was being a bit of an ass and then they tried to motivate me to be nicer with a blowtorch.”  
Dean closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. He never could think properly when Sam was hurt. But here he was sitting as if it was just a scratch instead of him being tortured for a week. He knew Sam was strong, stronger then everyone he knew, including himself, but Sam didn’t even seem phased by it which Dean found unnerving. And what was that whole routine about Cas not healing him? Dean knew Sam was never a big fan of getting healed, but to try and worm out of it with his injuries… something was wrong.  
“Dean, I swear I’m fine.”  
Dean shook his head, “Come on Sammy let’s get you patched up.”

After cleaning Sam up best he could, his injuries were quite extensive, Dean put Sam to bed. Despite his protests, Sam fell asleep within minutes.  
“Hey mum.” Dean said walking into the lounge room.  
“Dean. Is he okay?” Mary asked getting up from where she had impatiently been sitting.  
“They err… cut him up pretty bad, but he’ll be fine,” Dean said nodding.  
“He wanted me to leave.” Mary said in a small voice.  
“What, mum no! It’s not like that, he just… he didn’t… He… look he didn’t want you to see him hurt, he barely likes me to see his injuries and I’m…”  
“The equivalent to the mum he never had?” Mary suggested sadly.  
“Mum. You died, that’s not your fault, don’t think for one second that Sam and I will think badly of you.” Dean said placing a comforting hand on Mary’s shoulder.  
“How could he even bare to look at me, my baby. Tell me Dean, please don’t lie, what did the demon do to him?”  
Dean sighed, “Let’s sit down,” he said leading Mary to the couch. As they sat Dean took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “The demons name was Azazel, for most of our lives we knew him as Yellow Eyes. He went around making deals with the parents for their child and when they were 6 months old, he went into their nursery and fed them demon blood.”  
Marys eyes went wide in shock. “Demon blood! Why would he give that to my baby!”  
“It sort of activates these psychic abilities later in life, when they were about 22. So then any of the parents who went into the nursery when it was happening, they…” Dean swallowed thickly, “They burned and died. Dad was obsessed with trying to find your killer. So we grew up looking for him. But then Sammy grew up and started questioning dad’s orders, he wanted to go to school have a normal life, but the way we lived it wasn’t possible. So then Sammy, well he got a full ride to Stanford. He left and… Dad wasn’t too happy about him leaving. In the end we parted on not the best terms. So Sammy studied to be a lawyer and dad and I kept hunting your killer. One-time dad was on a hunt and he went missing. I…” Dean took a shaky breath, hating what he had to say next, “I went to Stanford to get Sam to help me find dad. After we did a hunt, Sam went back to Stanford but his girlfriend, Jess, she, err… She was murdered, same way as you. I dragged Sam out of the fire and he was hell bent on revenge. The worst part is Sam was dragged back into this life because of me, if I hadn’t been so selfish he would be some top notch lawyer right now probably married to Jess and living a better life.”  
“Dean, I may not know everything but this isn’t your fault, none of it is,” Mary said placing her hand on Deans knee as a sign of comfort.  
Dean nodded not really believing her but continued his story wanting to get everything out before he changed his mind about telling Mary all of it. “Sammy and I found dad and in the end we got into a car crash and I… I nearly died. Dad saved me by selling his soul.”  
Dean ignored Mary’s gasp of exclamation and carried on his story.  
“Sam then began to have these visons; he could see into the future. In the end we found others like him and found out Azazel was trying to make an army and one of the kids would be the leader. Azazel took Sam and the others and made them sort of fight to the death. Sam and some guy named Jake were the last ones, Sam was trying to save everyone but… well it didn’t go great. In the end, Sam thought he and Jake were allies when… When Jake literally stabbed Sam in the back. And Sammy… Sammy didn’t make it.” Dean said his voice choking. “I… I sold my soul to get him back and I got a year before it was time to pay up.”  
“Dean.” Mary whispered.  
Suddenly the door slammed open and both Mary and Dean jumped to their feet preparing for an attack. Cas slid into view and Dean’s tense shoulders sagged in relief. “Cas.” Dean said walking over to hug him, Mary barely able to hide her smirk at their relationship.  
“Dean.” Cas replied tightly hugging him back.  
“Mum, this is Cas, he’s an angel.”  
“An angel as in…?” Mary trailed off.  
“You know, wings, halo, devoted to an absent father.” Dean smirked.  
“I do not have a halo Dean. I am a servant of the lord, a warrior of heaven, a-,” Cas said seriously.  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, hot shot, I know.” Dean smiled fondly.  
Cas paused and looked over at Mary, slightly confused. “Dean is this…”  
Dean looked at Cas, his eyes shining bright with joy, and nodded.  
“Where’s Sam?” Cas said suddenly remembering the phone call.  
“In his room, let’s go.” Dean said leading Mary and Cas to Sam’s room.

Walking in to Sam’s room Dean hesitated as Cas approached the sleeping figure.  
“Cas wait,” Dean said holding an arm out to stop him. Cas looked at him confused. “Maybe we should wake him up, so he knows what’s going on,” Dean suggested.  
“Dean, I can heal him without waking him up, his slumber will be more peaceful if he isn’t in pain.” Cas said.  
“Look Cas, I didn’t want to mention anything because Sam would have my head, but he was acting weird.” Dean explained.  
“Weird?” Prompted Cas.  
“Yeah, like he was walking around this morning, doing some research or whatever, and I made him go back to bed but he said he would be fine without being healed by you. he tried to act all strong and stuff but it’s like he felt getting healed would hurt more than whatever those bastards did to him.” Dean rambled shooting worried glances at his sleeping brother.  
Confusion and worry turned to sad understanding as Cas gazed pityingly at Sam. “Dean, your right, it would hurt Sam to heal him right now, especially due to the mass amount of injuries he has sustained, should we go back to the lounge room to talk?”  
Dean gazed suspiciously at Cas and worriedly at Sam and in the end nodded out of curiosity of what was going on with his brother.  
Mary, who had been silently standing in the door way, wore a face of anxiety that Dean had seen in the mirror many times. Despite his overwhelming fear that Sam was hurt and the deep feeling of anxiety that settled in the pit of his stomach, Dean lightened slightly at the thought of having similarities to his mother.  
Returning to the lounge room Dean started, “Okay Cas, what the hell is going on with Sammy.”  
Cas sighed and prepared himself for the explanation that he dreaded he would ever have to give, “When Sam’s wall fell and I took on his pain from the cage, but it didn’t take away the memories. I wasn’t positive this is what happened, but unfortunately Sam’s reactions to grace and Gadreel have been enough indication to assume what I dreaded would happen has indeed happened. I took away the top layer of pain, this was the layer that was harming him and took that upon myself. Unfortunately, we have yet again underestimated Sam, that one layer I took nearly killed me and I was put in a coma since my mind was unable to deal with it, I believe that originating from heaven made what I had taken on from Sam a different experience. Sam may have had the layer that wouldn’t let him sleep and force him to live with the constant hallucinations taken away, but there were still more layers.” Cas paused taking a breath to steady himself before continuing and saying words he wished he never had to. “Sam remembers every bit of his time in the cage and these experiences, although well hidden, has been affecting him since the return of his soul.”  
Dean closed his eyes as he felt like someone had literally ripped his heart out. How didn’t he recognise Sam was hurt? He was so busy and damaged when he had the mark, but this past year, there was no excuse for I’m not noticing his little brother was in pain. It was Dean’s job to take care of the kid…. And now he’d failed at that… again.  
“I don’t understand,” Mary said quietly. She understood something awful happened to Sam and it seemed they tried to fix it and had just found out it didn’t work. “What happened to Sam?”  
Dean looked up at Mary with big eyes, he couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t admit he had failed at being a big brother.  
“Dean, this isn’t your fault, but you need to tell your mother.” Cas said placing a reassuring hand on Deans shoulder.  
“Okay… Okay. Just, can you tell her?” Dean muttered.  
Cas gave a short nod and directed his attention to Mary. “How much do you know of Sam’s past?”  
“She knows up to where I sold my soul.” Dean said his face in his hands.  
Cas gave another nod. “After Sam was saved, Dean’s contract was held by a demon named Lilith. She was the first demon and extremely powerful. Sam spent the whole year trying to get Dean out of his deal but eventually Dean’s time came and his soul was damned to hell. Dean was in hell for the equivalent of 40 years, 4 months on earth, in this time Sam became quite… irrational. He had befriended a demon named Ruby who, with the help of others, manipulated Sam into becoming addicted to demon blood which increased his psychic abilities allowing him to exorcise demons and kill them without harming the host with his mind. At this time, I was sent to save Dean from hell before he broke the first seal. The seals led to opening a special cage in hell where Lucifer was kept. There were many seals around the world, but only 66 had to be broken. The first seal was broken by Dean, unknowingly in hell, and the last was by Sam by killing Lilith. We were all manipulated against each other with little knowledge of what was going on. When Lucifer was released it begun the events leading to the apocalypse as he and his brother Michael were destined to fight in their true vessels.”  
“What are vessels?” Mary said reminding Dean of how much she really didn’t know.  
“Vessels are humans possessed by or have the potential to be possessed by angels, as angels require permission to enter a human body. My vessels soul has been destroyed and is now in heaven but Michael and Lucifer each had one specific vessel they were destined to battle in. Dean was Michael’s vessel and Sam was Lucifer’s. To contain Lucifer’s taint, one had to be tainted with demon blood, which was the reason for Azazel’s feeding the children demon blood, they were all potential candidates to be Lucifer’s vessel. Dean and Sam both denied their roles in the apocalypse but in the end Michael found a substitute vessel and Sam, having worked out a reason with the help of another archangel Gabriel, said yes. Lucifer and Michael went to have their battle. Sam was able to take control of his body and opened the door to the cage and jumped in taking Michael and Lucifer with him.”  
“And Adam.” Dean said sullenly.  
“Who’s Adam?” Mary asked curiously.  
Dean flushed slightly, “He was our half-brother, dad’s and some random chick’s. We only met him a few years after dad died.”  
“Oh…” Was all Mary could think to say.  
“Adam was not in the cage, Dean.” Cas said.  
Dean’s eyes widened in shock, “What!”  
“Adam’s soul was already in heaven when Michael recreated his body as he was already dead from the ghouls and while he consented to letting Michael use his body as vessel whilst in heaven, he never did leave it. He never had to experience the cage or Michael and Lucifer’s wrath.”  
Dean let out a shaky breath of relief, the thought that Adam was in there too, especially since Death had given him the choice between Sam and Adam, had been a thought that haunted him constantly.  
“What happened to Sam in the cage?” Mary asked, her voice small.  
“He was tortured, for around two hundred years.” Cas said when Dean seemed unable to answer.  
Mary couldn’t stifle the sob that she had wanted to shed each time she was told about her boys lives. “What happened after that?” Mary said trying to regain some composure.  
“I went in to rescue Sam but I unfortunately was only able to rescue his body. His soul continued to be ripped apart by Lucifer and possibly Michael. In the end Dean had an agreement with Death and he brought Sam’s soul back. Sam’s soul was broken and in the end the wall Death had put up to prevent Sam from remembering his time in hell was beginning to crumble. It broke completely after I… err… After I broke it.” Cas admitted guiltily. A nod from Dean was enough to tell him he had been forgiven and to continue. “He began to see hallucinations of Lucifer. Later these hallucinations prevented him from sleeping and he was admitted to a mental ward. This was when I took away the first layer and we assumed that it got rid of all Sam’s memories from hell, unfortunately this assumption was false and Sam is in pain.”  
Mary tried to subtly wipe away the tears that were freely running down her face. “Mum…” Dean whispered moving over to wrap an arm around her.  
Mary let herself be comforted by her child as she begun to sob. “It’s all my fault!” She cried. Mary felt Dean shake his head.  
“Mum. This is not your fault, and you know what, Cas is right, it’s not my fault either. It’s not Cas’s fault or Sam’s. this is Lucifer’s fault and Azazel’s and the douchebag angels.”  
“Me oh my, I do hope that last comment wasn’t directed at me.” A new voice said.  
Dean, Mary and Cas looked up in surprise to see a man with golden eyes and a mischievous smirk permanently plastered to his face leaning against the wall casually, with his hands in his pocket. They were looking at Gabriel.

“Gabriel?” Dean asked astounded and suspicious.  
“Brother?” Cas asked as if he was afraid the answer would be no.  
“Howdy, nice of you to greet me. oh, and who is this ravishing young bird?” Gabriel directing his cocky attention to Mary.  
Dean took a step in front of Mary, “That would be our mother.” He growled.  
Gabriel raised his eyebrows but didn’t pry further, “Speaking of the dynamic duo, where is old Samsquatch?”  
A flicker of guilt passed all three’s expressions.  
“Where is Sam.” Gabriel said suddenly serious.  
“He’s… he’s in his room but he’s pretty beat up.” Dean replied.  
“And why have you not healed him.” Gabriel said shooting daggers at Cas.  
“Because he doesn’t want to be healed.” Dean replied.  
“What, why doesn’t he want to be healed? And actually, why does he need to be healed in the first place?”  
“Brother.” Cas said stepping in front of Gabriel. They both wore a face of concentration and Gabriel’s face displayed many emotions from anger, to sad, to regret and eventually realisation.  
“Cas, whatcha doing?” Dean asked.  
“Angel radio.” Gabriel explained.  
Dean nodded in sudden understanding but Mary looked confused. “What’s angel radio?” She asked curiously.  
“Angels can talk telepathically over what’s called angel radio. Cassie here just caught me up on Samshine’s adventures.” Gabriel said smiling at Mary.  
“So you’re an angel?” Mary asked curiously eyeing him up and down.  
“Yep,” Gabriel said popping the P. “The great archangel Gabriel to be exact. Killed by Lucifer a while ago but now back and ready to join in on the fun.”  
“You were killed by Lucifer! How are you back?” Mary said astounded.  
“Likewise.” Gabriel said.  
Mary looked slightly taken aback, “I don’t know how I was brought back. I just woke up in a field with Dean.”  
Dean cleared his throat with a small cough, “Amara brought her back as a thank you for making her and God talk through their problems.”  
“Well Deano, looks like you’ve become Heaven’s regular therapist” Gabriel said with a smirk.  
Dean rolled his eyes and ignored the remark, “So why are you back?”  
“Gosh Dean, you don’t have to sound so excited.” Gabriel said sarcastically, “But Dad and Aunty Amara did.”  
“Aunty Amara?” Dean scoffed.  
“Hey, old habits die hard.” Gabriel said defensively.  
“Okay well whatever, we should probably go wake up Sam.” Dean said.  
“Oh yeah, I need to have a little word to him.” Gabriel said standing up.  
“Nah uh, I’ll get Sam, you stay here.” Dean said crossing his arms.  
Gabriel pouted but sat back down as Dean went to Sam’s room to wake him.

“Sammy, come on mate, rise and shine.” Dean said softly, gently shaking Sam making sure not to aggravate any injuries.  
“Mhm…” Sam grunted shifting his weight and wincing at the sudden pressure on some of his countless wounds.  
“Come on Sammy.” Dean said again.  
Sam began to rouse and looked at Dean, “Hey,” He said.  
“Hey mate, can you come to the lounge room?”  
Sam yawned and rubbed some sleep from his eyes and nodded weakly, “Okay, is everything alright?”  
“Course, everything’s fine, I just need you up.” Dean said.  
“Okay.” He said as he stumbled out of bed causing Dean to catch him and help support his weight.  
“I’m fine Dean.” Sam said only slightly annoyed as he gently pushed Dean’s support away.  
Dean frowned but didn’t push to help Sam, he only slightly hovered as Sam made his way to the lounge room.  
As they walked in Sam stopped suddenly in shock. “Gabriel?” He whispered.  
“Hey Sambo,” Gabriel said grinning as he stood up.  
At this movement, Sam subconsciously moved backwards nearly falling over Dean.  
“Whoa, Sammy. What’s up with you?” Dean said, concerned.  
“I just- I can’t…” He seemed unable to describe what he felt but it was obviously painful judging by his facial expressions.  
“Oh Sam.” Gabriel said with a face full of sorrow. “What did my brothers do to you.” he said more to himself then to anyone else.  
Sam’s breathing was borderline hyperventilating. “Sammy, you need to calm down.” Dean said firmly but not unkindly.  
“I know… I’m just…” He trailed off again not knowing how to explain what he was feeling.  
“Hey, does this help?” Gabriel said.  
He made no indications that he had done anything but Sam’s face, which was contorted in pain, was suddenly full of relief as he weakly nodded.  
“Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on!” Dean demanded.  
“Sam was tortured in the cage with the use of grace. He now associates grace with pain. Lucifer and Michael are archangels so their grace is stronger, easier to be sensed by those who can and obviously Sam can, now at least, so when he felt mine he felt pain. Cassie’s grace isn’t archangels grace so Sam only felt the pain when Cas used it on him, but with me he felt it just being under the same roof as me.” Gabriel explained sadly. “That’s why you hated being healed, am I right?”  
Sam nodded and, without moving his gaze from the floor, replied, “I didn’t know all that stuff about the grace, but I guessed. I mean why else would it hurt so much to be healed?”  
“Sammy… why didn’t you say anything?” Dean whispered.  
Sam shrugged, “I didn’t think it was important.”  
Gabriel gave another sad look, “If you’re going to be healed it’d better be by Cas, my grace might be too reminiscent of Lucifer’s.”  
Sam nodded.  
“Should I heal you now Sam?” Cas asked.  
Sam took a shaky breath and another tight nod, his body tense and ridged with the anticipation of pain.  
Cas lifted his hand to place on Sam’s forehead. Sam’s face tightened in pain but he made no signs of resistance. As Cas moved his hand, the healing process being complete, the newly repaired face of Sam’s sighed in relief.  
“Better?” Cas asked sincerely.  
“Yeah, thanks.” Sam said weakly.  
“Okay, well bed time for you.” Dean said getting up pulling on Sam.  
“What! No way, Gabriel comes back to life, you’re not dead and… and mum’s here, and you expect me to go back to bed when I’m completely fine!” Sam cried, annoyed how he was being treated like a hurt child.  
“Sam, you were tortured for a week, yeah you may have been healed but you still need to sleep.” Dean said sternly.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “Come on, I’ve had worse, they weren’t even that creative.”  
“Bed now.” Dean commanded.  
“Like I could sleep.” Sam said trying a different tactic to get out of Dean’s mothering.  
“Well lucky for us we have two angels with us.” Dean then turned to face Gabriel and Cas, “Can you knock him out without the grace hurting him?”  
“Absolutely!” Gabriel said.  
“No.” Said Sam standing up and taking a step away from the snickering Gabriel.  
“Too bad Sambo.” Gabriel flew behind Sam, and as Sam’s reflexes worked instinctively, as he turned to swing a punch at Gabriel, Gabriel just touched him on the head knocking him out immediately. From there he flew Sam to his bed and smiled fondly as he pulled the covers over him.  
“Sam’s in bed, asleep.” He said as he reappeared in the lounge room.  
“Excuse me.” Mary said hurriedly walking to the kitchen.  
Dean, Cas and Gabriel all exchanged confused looks as Dean went to follow Mary, “I’ll be back in a sec.” he said.  
“Mum?” He asked cautiously.  
“I’m sorry it’s just… You should be kids, but you’re not. You had to tell Sam to go to bed, but that should have to be my job. I was raised a hunter; you don’t get a childhood. I never, ever, wanted that for you or Sam.” Mary said tears silently streaming down her face.  
“Mum I told you before and I’ll tell you again. This. Is. Not. Your fault.” Dean said firmly.  
“How could he ever look at me.” She said quietly voicing her real fear.  
“What? Sam?” Dean asked confused.  
Mary nodded shakily.  
“Mum, Sam has never blamed you, none of us have,” Dean said quietly.  
“Yeah… I just… it’s not fair is it?” She asked sadly.  
“No it’s not.” Dean replied pulling Mary tightly in a hug. “Hey mum?” He whispered tentatively.  
“Yeah Dean?”  
“I love you.” He whispered.  
Mary smiled, “I love you too.”

“Gabriel.” Greeted Cas quietly as he walked into Sam’s room.  
Gabriel was sitting next to Sam’s bed leant forward staring at Sam. He looked up at Cas and smiled, “Hey Cassie.”  
“Dean said you would be in here. He seemed rather annoyed.”  
Gabriel smirked, “yeah, I convinced him to part with Sam and eat or sleep or something. He was watching over him for hours before I kicked him out. Anyway, I said I’d watch over him for a bit and he begrudgingly left.”  
Cas smiled, “That does sound like Dean.”  
“Yeah…” Trailed off Gabriel. He sat in silence looking over at the peaceful face of Sam Winchester. All that pain and misery and loneliness he was forced to endure had just made him kinder.  
“Brother, I wanted to ask you something.” Cas said.  
Gabriel looked up at him, “What’s up?”  
“Can we help him?”  
Gabriel expression of curiosity turned to sadness. “I don’t know. What I do know is that Sam is surrounded by people who love him and none of us will rest until he’s okay again.” 

Sam felt a feeling of warmth as he woke up. That soon went away when he sensed someone watching him, someone he wasn’t familiar to. His hunter instincts kicked in as he kept on pretending to be asleep and went for a punch out of nowhere. To his surprise his arm hit nothing and he toppled out the bed becoming tangled up in his sheets.  
“Whoa there, Sambo,” Gabriel said smirking and helping Sam try to detangle.  
Sam, annoyed, shrugged out of Gabriel’s grip and got up. “Were you watching me sleep?” He said tensely.  
Gabriel shrugged, “Yeah I suppose, Dean needed to catch a few Z’s so I offered to guard you.” He said ending with a jaunty wink.  
Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head, exasperated, as his long hair fell into his eyes. “Can’t believe you knocked me out.” He muttered.  
Gabriel smirked again but then turned serious, “You know Sam, I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. You know just the usual, how’re you feeling? Did the grace hurt you when I put you asleep? How’ve you been the past few years I haven’t been there to watch out for your ass? And, oh yeah, what in my father’s name gave you the idea to jump into the cage!” Gabriel said his voice first even and level but broke into a yell when he reached his last question.  
Sam didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m feeling fine, no, the grace didn’t hurt, I’ve been fine though I don’t exactly remember you sticking me in time loops and alternate realities very helpful and, oh yeah, it was the only way.” Sam glared.  
“I told you how to open the cage, I told you to toss him in. I said nothing about you going down with him.” Gabriel yelled.  
“Well what did you expect me to do! Lead him to the edge and shove him in! It was the only way! I started the apocalypse, so I stopped it.” Sam yelled equally angry now.  
“Sam…” Gabriel said his anger fading.  
“No, don’t you dare come and judge me for this. I did what I had to do. The apocalypse was my fault and this is my punishment.” Sam shouted. He stormed past the now silent Gabriel and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee.  
Dean walked into the hallway, looking like he had just woken up, “Sam? What happened? are you okay?”  
“I’m fine Dean; it’s just great to have him back.” Sam sarcastically said through gritted teeth.  
Dean stared after Sam who continued his walk to the kitchen and peered into his room where he saw a forlorn Gabriel standing in the middle of the room looking like he hadn’t moved since his and Sam’s yelling match.  
“Gabriel? What’s going on?” Dean said.  
Gabriel looked over at Dean slowly, all colour drained from his face, “He thinks he deserves it.” He whispered.  
“What do you mean?” Dean said nervous about what he was going to say next.  
“Sam, he… he thinks that he deserves this. He said it was his punishment for starting the apocalypse.”  
Dean closed his eyes, “Dammit Sammy.” He muttered to himself.  
“I didn’t know… I didn’t think he’d be this dumb.” Gabriel said looking out the door morosely.  
“What do you mean?” Dean asked.  
“He’s blaming himself and has been ever since he was young, I don’t know if we can just fix that.”  
“He’s not some toy that can just be fixed with glue, we all know that but were not going to let that stop us. Nothing will ever hurt Sammy again.” Dean swore.  
With that, Dean left the room leaving Gabriel alone.

“Okay the whole gang is here! Nice! I’ve never really had a gang; I suppose there were the other pagan god’s when I was Loki, but this is a real gang! Mother Mary, the Dynamic Duo, Dad’s celestial rebel and me! Your divine leader full of wisdom, grace and skill.” Gabriel said cockily.  
Sam tried to hide his snort with a cough, Cas looked confused, Mary smirked and Dean didn’t even try to cover his laugh.  
“What? Am I not the best choice for leadership out of our gang?” Gabriel said, pouting.  
“No you’re really not.” Dean said bluntly.  
Sam had to stifle another laugh whilst Dean looked triumphant over making his brother laugh.  
“Whatever, leader or not, I thought this would be a good catch up session to make sure were all up to date with everyone’s lives.” Gabriel said rolling his eyes.  
“Well despite who suggested it, that sounds like a good idea.” Dean said.  
“Good because I’ve got some questions.” Sam said straightening up, “First of all what happened with Amara?”  
Dean sighed, “I went to go deploy the soul bomb and in the end Chuck came around and I convinced Amara that maybe she didn’t need me but instead her brother, so they went off to talk but Amara sent mum down as a thank you present.”  
“Wait, who’s Chuck?” Mary asked.  
“Oh Chuck is God and Amara is his sister. We first knew him as a prophet who wrote a series about our lives called Supernatural which is known as the Winchester Gospels by the God Squad.” Dean said with a smirk playing across his face.  
“God’s name is Chuck?” Mary exclaimed.  
“Yep, he likes taking long showers.” Dean smiled again, his face then turned serious as he turned to face Sam. “Okay, my turn to ask a question. What do you know about the douches that took you?”  
Sam sighed, “Not a lot. They were demons but they must have been strong to get past the warding’s in here. The banishing sigil they used to banish Cas wasn’t one I was familiar with, it had some enochian on it though, but I was too far to make out the whole thing but I saw some of the usual words like banish and stuff but I also saw it said that it was using the power of Lucifer. Anyway the demons that grabbed me didn’t say much or even ask much which I thought was weird, they just went straight to the torture.”  
“They got their power from Lucifer?” Cas asked.  
“The sigil did at least.” Sam said. “Do you know what Lucifer’s doing right now?”  
“Right now he’s trying to find a vessel. Since he doesn’t know where you are and he can’t use mine again Lucifer is hopping from vessel to vessel, burning each one out.” Cas said seriously.  
“Wait! Cassie, did you say Lucifer possessed you?” Gabriel said in surprised anger.  
“Yes. At the time I believed it was the only way to stop Amara. I let Lucifer out of his cage, all the destruction and hurt he causes is on me.” Cas sais forlornly.  
“Cas this isn’t your fault. I’m the one who was stupid enough to go back there. Lucifer was our best shot and it didn’t work, but it isn’t your fault.” Sam consoled.  
“Yeah man, we all played our part in this, don’t take all the blame when you dot deserve it.” Dean said putting a reassuring hand on Cas’ lap.  
Gabriel, Mary and Sam all shared a sly grin as if they made eye contact and tried to stifle their laughter of Dean’s and Cas’ totally platonic relationship. They quickly regained their composure as Dean and Cas stopped their very heterosexual act of staring into each other’s eyes.  
Dean flushed slightly as he realised that there were others around him and quickly changed the subject. “Yeah okay, but the whole demon’s taking you, I’m not sure best method of tracking them. I don’t know if you remember Sammy, but dad used to have some hunting friends, great trackers, Steve, Tim and Reggie their names were I think. Anyway, I was thinking we could give them a ring and see if they could help us out.”  
Sam went pale as he looked down and shook his head.  
“Sammy?” Dean said concerned. He rushed over and sat by him trying to force his head up. “Sammy man, what’s wrong.”  
“Nothing I’m fine.” Sam said, still pale, trying to push Dean away gently.  
Dean was slightly distracted by a gasp from Gabriel. Dean didn’t take his eyes of Sam but acknowledged Gabriel, “What!”  
“Dean.” Cas said softly.  
“Cas, what’s wrong dammit!” Dean demanded.  
“Gabriel looked into Sam’s mind and explained to me what happened.” Cas said.  
Mary looked at Sam hang his head after hearing this she realised that something must’ve happened between these hunters and Sam, something that Sam obviously hadn’t told Dean.  
“Come on kiddo, I only saw glimpses, you gotta tell them. It wasn’t your fault.” Gabriel said softly moving over to Sam to place an arm around his shoulders.  
Sam looked up with big puppy dog eyes, melting Dean, Mary, Cas and Gabriel’s hearts. He nodded slightly and took a dep breath. “When I released Lucifer, and we weren’t hunting together, I was just working at a bar for a bit of cash. I found a job and didn’t want to work it because I didn’t trust myself so I gave Bobby a ring to send over some hunters. Anyway, after failing to convince me to do it myself, he sent over Steve, Tim and Reggie. They came around and we talked no biggie. So then I was by myself in the bar and Tim came back in looking pretty beat up. He told me that Steve had died, killed by some demons. Anyway Tim was telling me how they’d captured some demon when Reggie came back in the bar with a girl called Lindsey, that worked with me, and had a knife to her neck. Tim then told me that the demon they captured had told them about me starting the apocalypse. I admitted it and they then handcuffed Lindsey and threatened to kill her. They err… the demon told them about the whole demon blood thing,” He paused, looking down guiltily. “Anyway, they wanted me to drink some to go kill the demons that got Steve. So I obviously refused but they weren’t exactly happy with that response. So we fought and in the end they pinned me down and forced my mouth open to pour the blood down. I spat it out but… but I could still feel some of it go down my throat and the cravings came back stronger than ever. I locked myself in some room for a few days while I went through the withdrawal but after that I was fine.”  
“Jesus, Sammy.” Dean whispered, mortified. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”  
Sam shrugged, “We weren’t exactly on the best terms at the time and I was fine so, no harm done.”  
Gabriel made a low growling sound from the back of his throat. They all looked at him surprised whilst he continued to glare at Sam. Sam winced in pain as he felt tendrils of his grace reach him exerting power, strength and rage. All things he was familiar with when it came to grace.  
The grace made him see the cage. The colour of blood and Lucifer smiling malevolently filled his vision. Sam struggled out of the Devil’s grip but he was back in the cage, trapped and there was no escaping. Pain. Unbearable pain. That was all Sam felt. Unknowingly trapped in the memory Sam screamed in absolute pain.  
“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!” Dean yelled as he clung to Sam who was thrashing wildly, unconscious.  
“I got angry, he felt my grace and he’s and now he’s stuck in a memory of the cage.” Gabriel said helplessly as he looked down and the flailing Sam, mortified at what he had done.  
“ **No, please no. Stop! Let me go!** ” Sam cried.  
Gabriel and Cas exchanged a look of horror as Dean tensed.  
“Was that… was that enochian?” He said trying to force his voice calm while still restricting Sam’s thrashing.  
“Enochian?” Mary asked in a small voice.  
“The language of angels.” Gabriel whispered.  
“Where would of he have learnt… oh.” Mary said in realisation.  
“Lucifer, what did you do.” Gabriel whispered to himself more than anyone else.  
“Gabriel, you must wake him up!” Cas demanded.  
“It’ll be excruciating, I can’t mask the amount of grace it would take to do that!” Gabriel yelled.  
“Brother, Sam is already in pain, you must help him.” Cas said seriously.  
Gabriel moved over to Sam and quickly glanced at Dean who nodded in permission for Gabriel to help him. “ **I’m sorry Sam.** ” He whispered before placing to fingers to Sam’s forehead. The effect was instantaneous, Sam, who had already be screaming paused for a small moment and then let put a terrible pain filled screech. His other screams had been ones of terror, but this was just full of pain. Gabriel winced as he cradled Sam waiting for him to fully heal, Cas looked forlornly at him, Dean whispered small words of encouragement to his brother quietly and Mary had to look away not being able to bear seeing her son in such pain. After what felt like years the screaming finally stopped.  
“He’ll be out for a couple of hours. I’m going to put him to bed.” Gabriel said not taking his eyes of Sam and then zapping him to his room.”

When Gabriel returned from putting Sam to bed he was addressed by two extremely angry Winchester’s, which was never a good thing, and an awkward looking Cas.  
“So,” Dean started, his arms folded and his eyes glaring, “What the hell was that.”  
Gabriel ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “As an archangel I can kind of look into your minds. It’s not exactly mind reading but I can get a few glimpses of what you’re seeing. Sam didn’t tell you the worst part, I got angry and he felt the anger and went down memory lane to the cage.”  
“What could be worse than hunters forcing demon blood down his throat?” Dean exclaimed.  
“I think it’s easier to show you.” Gabriel said sadly. He turned and began to walk to Sam’s room. Dean, Mary and Cas followed unsure and nervous about what they were about to see.  
They peered down at Sam who was sleeping peacefully unaware of those staring at him. “Take his shirt off.” Gabriel whispered to Dean.  
His serious and sad tone was enough to sober even Dean and prevent him from making a dirty remark. He slowly took the shirt off, careful not to wake him and looked at Sam’s bare chest. Other than the defined muscles, the slightly too skinny figure as if he had skipped a few meals and his anti-possession tattoo, his chest was bare. Dean looked up at Gabriel expectantly.  
“Turn him on his side.” Gabriel whispered.  
Dean did so and when he moved the back into view he heard a gasp come from everyone but Gabriel who had instead closed his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to look at it.  
Scarred into Sam’s back were white seven year old wounds. Deep cuts purposely cut into Sam spelling out Antichrist in jagged capital letters.  
Everyone was silent, staring at the still peaceful sleeping side of Sam’s.  
“Let’s go back and talk.” Gabriel suggested moving towards the door.  
Mary and Cas followed but Dean hung back for a few seconds to move Sam into a more comfortable sleeping position and then tucking him in.  
He joined the other three in the lounge room and stared at Gabriel. “What happened to him?”  
Gabriel sighed, “From what I could see from Sam’s mind, the hunters weren’t too happy that Sam didn’t take to the demon blood. Since they had none left and Lindsey had gotten out, they decided to show their feelings towards Sam in a slightly more aggressive way.” Gabriel stated bitterly. “They had him pinned down and carved the word into his back. They also poured holy oil over it meaning it can’t be healed angelically. When they finished their grip slacked a bit and Sam was able to escape. He fixed up the wound himself and made sure no one saw it for seven years.”  
Dean shook his head, “How did I not see it?” he asked guiltily.  
“Because Sam is smart and if he did not want you to know about his wound, you wouldn’t.” Cas stated.  
“I should’ve noticed.” Dean said angrily standing up looking ready to hit something.  
Mary stood up and silently put her arms around Dean where his tense shoulders relaxed slightly.  
“Baby, this isn’t your fault.” Mary whispered softly.  
“I swear I’ll kill Tim and Reggie.” Dean exclaimed still shaking slightly with anger.  
Their embrace was suddenly cut short by the sound of smashing glass. All four of them looked around to see who or what had caused the noise and all mirrored a look of horror when the realisation hit that the sound came from Sam’s room.  
They all sprinted down into Sam’s room and breathed a sigh of relief when they saw him still there. He was making no sound but was thrashing wildly in an intense state of terror.  
“We have to wake him up!” Gabriel yelled, “Cas grab his arm, Dean try to wake him up!”  
Cas went to one side and Gabriel went to the other restricting Sam’s movement.  
“Come on Sammy, rise and shine man.” Dean said kneeling by his head. Dean moved his arm to Sam’s shoulder and shook it slightly, “Up you get lazy bones.” He said his voice forced to be light, trying to mask the terror he felt.  
Sam’s big hazel eyes flickered open as he begun to wake up.  
Gabriel and Cas made no move to release him in case he begun to start thrashing again and hurt someone or more likely himself. Sam looked around, confused and slightly disorientated.  
“What are you doing…?” Sam said pulling against Cas and Gabriel’s strong grip.  
“You’re not going to go crazy on us?” Gabriel asked eyeing Sam carefully.  
“Crazy? What are you talking about? Just let me go.”  
Gabriel looked up at Cas and nodded slightly. They released Sam who immediately went to get up.  
Sam’s face went from confused to upset and ashamed in an instant. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, “Did I…?” He trailed off not finishing the question but clearly implying what he was asking.  
“Samsquatch, you’re seriously killing me.” Gabriel started lightly. “You’re sorry you were remembering memories that would destroy anyone else?”  
Sam looked up to glare at Gabriel and replied, “No, I’m sorry that my problems are disturbing you.”  
“Dammit Sam! Stop feeling like you need to take all this on by yourself. I’m here, we’re all here! You don’t have to do this alone so stop acting like you do!” Gabriel yelled.  
“Look, I brought this on myself, I will fix it myself.” Sam yelled back.  
“Brought this on yourself? Sam you’re remembering the cage. You know? that place you jumped into to save the world. You sacrificed yourself so the world could continue to live its sad pathetic life, why should you have to take the consequences of saving the world by yourself?” Gabriel exclaimed.  
“Because the world wouldn’t have needed saving if I listened to… to pretty much anyone. Dean told me not to try and bring him back. I tried to bring him back. Dean told me to stop relying on Ruby. I trusted her and let her manipulate me into drinking her blood. Dean told me to stop. I didn’t. Cas told me to stop drinking Demon’s blood. I carried on drinking demon’s blood. For God sakes Gabriel, even you tried to stop me from making the mistakes I made in that stupid time loop of yours! I started this whole thing and I will deal with the consequences without burdening you with them!” Sam yelled.  
“I showed them your side.” Gabriel stated crossing his arms. He watched as Sam’s face paled and glanced to look at the others reactions.  
“You… you had no right.” He whispered not being able to muster up the anger he wanted to cover his fear.  
“Sammy, I get why you didn’t tell me, I don’t like it and I don’t agree, but I understand. Sam we’re here for you to get through all this whether you want us to or not.” Dean said.  
“We’re all here for you.” Mary added gently.  
“I just feel so weak.” Sam admitted.  
“You are not weak.” Gabriel growled.  
Sam closed his eyes breathing shaky breaths and didn’t answer.  
“Look man,” Dean said sitting on the edge of the bed. “We have both been through a hell of a lot crap and I’m going to have to say, you win.”  
Sam opened his big hazel eyes which showed confusion at Dean’s words. “I win… Dean?”  
“When I had to deal with all the crap I created, I survived off alcohol and I made rash decisions that always ended up in you being hurt and me rolling around in self-pity. Now mate, I’m not saying you haven’t done your fair share of screw ups, but you always went to fix them. You got stronger from the pain, I got weaker. That’s why you win Sam, because instead of ignoring the problem, you always try to do something, you fix it.” Dean said earnestly.  
“Not always.” Sam whispered. “When you were in purgatory…”  
“Stop.” Dean cut him off. “I was wrong when got back. You found someone you were happy with and I took that away from you… again. But you didn’t know I was in purgatory, for all you knew I was dead and we both know the only way to bring people back. I swear if you had made a deal… I would’ve been a lot angrier then finding my little brother content in a relationship.”  
“I still should’ve looked.” Sam shook his head.  
“Okay enough angsting please.” Gabriel cut in.  
Sam rolled his eyes and went to get out of bed.  
Gabriel clapped his hands and smiled, “I’ll make breakfast then shall I?”  
Dean frowned lowering his eyebrows, “No. I cook.” He said.  
“A bake-off!” Gabriel said excitedly.  
Dean eyed Gabriel up and down before smirking “May the best chef win.” He said holding out his hand.  
Gabriel beamed and shook it for a second before running off yelling, “Come on slow coach!”  
Dean glared for a second before sprinting after him to the kitchen.  
“I should make sure they do not harm themselves or the bunker.” Cas said before walking after them leaving Sam and Mary alone for the first time.  
Sam swallowed nervously glancing up at Mary who was smiling anxiously.  
“Hi.” She said softly.  
“Hey.” Sam said his voice feeling awkward in his throat.  
“Can I sit?” She asked gesturing to the bed.  
“Yeah of course.” Sam replied moving over to make room for his mother.  
Mary sat and bit her lip nervously. “Sam I wanted to apologise to you.” She blurted out suddenly.  
Sam raised his eyebrows slightly taken aback. “Apologise?”  
“Your life… it’s all because I made a deal… a deal for John. You never wanted this and I never wanted it for you. I’m just… I’m so sorry. And I don’t know my place with you boys yet… but I swear I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” She stammered.  
Sam let out a breathy chuckle, “You have nothing to apologise for. This wasn’t your fault. What you did for dad, well hell, we’ve all made choices to save the people we love.”  
“Like John did for Dean and Dean did for you?” Mary said in a hushed voice.  
Sam looked down trying to cover up the swirling emotions he felt, guilt, regret, sadness, all of them like a knife to the gut. “Yeah... I sometimes think… that maybe if Dean hadn’t…” He trailed off.  
“Hadn’t what?” Prompted Mary.  
He took a shaky breath, “I sometimes think that if Dean hadn’t brought me back, everything would’ve gone better. The apocalypse wouldn’t have happened, Dean would have been okay and it just would’ve been better.” Sam said looking straight into his mother’s eyes as if daring her to contradict him.  
“Sam. I’m not going to pretend to know everything about your life, but from what I know, you didn’t seem to give a lot of consent to it all. And if it hadn’t happened, think about everything that wouldn’t have happened. Cas wouldn’t be down here… I wouldn’t be here.” Mary said resisting the urge to tackle Sam in a tight hug.  
“I’m not trying to say I don’t want you here and alive… but we were raised in a certain way. I never knew dad like you knew him, I mean, hell, even Dean has memories of a life before hunting. But me… My first memory is hunting. How we were raised, well, certain principles stuck in your head whether you agreed with them or not. What’s dead should stay dead was always a big one. And then here I am, alive. I’ve been brought back so many times… it’s not right. All the destruction I’ve caused and I keep getting more chances to screw up.” Sam said sounding not sad but more as if he had accepted this fact about himself.  
“Sam…” Mary said not knowing how to comfort him. She decided to give up on words and instead moved her arm around the large figure of her son. She felt him tense slightly at the touch but eventually relax into her grip, into a mother's grip.  
“OI! Come down!” Gabriel’s voice boomed down.  
Sam chuckled softly, “Do you think Gabriel’s dealing well with Cas and Dan’s love gazes?”  
“Okay, I thought I was the only one! You see them staring at each other too?” Mary said earnestly.  
“Absolutely it’s been going on for about 8 years, it gets kind of annoying.” Sam said sighing dramatically.  
“Can I just say that when Dean introduced me after their very intimate hug, I swore he was about to say this is my boyfriend but he then said angel so I was thinking is that a pet name? But no, apparently Cas is a legitimate angel and my son has no idea how to deal with relationships.”  
Sam began to laugh, “You have no idea how good this feels to finally talk about this to someone. Dealing with all their sexual tension was killing me!”  
“GUYS WE HAVE FOOD COULD YOU PLEASE COME DOWN!” Gabriel yelled sounding annoyed.  
“Come on, we better go.” Sam said standing up and opening the door for Mary.  
Mary got up to follow Sam and smiled at him caressing his face and quickly kissing him on the cheek before she could second guess herself. She walked on without looking back at Sam even though she was desperate to see how he felt about it but she knew he’d probably want to deal with his emotions privately. She would make it better between them, no matter what.

Sam stood in the middle of kitchen gawping at the masses amount food piled on the counter.  
“Samakins!” Gabriel yelled delighted.  
“Sammy!” Dean yelled matching Gabriel’s excitement, “We have food!”  
“I… I can see that.” Sam stuttered, bemused.  
“That’s a lot of food made in a very short amount of time.” Mary said walking behind Sam.  
“Well excessiveness is my middle name,” Gabriel said grinning.  
“More like show off,” Dean muttered under his breath.  
“Do you really think we’re going to be able to eat all this?” Sam said frowning at the mountains of greasy foods that layered the counter.  
“Hello, Archangel over here. I can make all this last forever if I want.” Gabriel said rolling his eyes at Sam.  
“Don’t worry Sammy we’ve got some of your rabbit food as well.” Dean said smirking.  
“Whatever.” Sam said rolling his eyes but smiling slightly.  
“You good?” Dean murmured as Sam walked past him to get coffee.  
“Yeah man.” Sam whispered back.  
“Okay everyone, dig in!” Gabriel said gleefully clapping his hands.

“Heya Samsquatch.” Gabriel said walking in with a wide grin plastered on his face.  
Sam looked up for a second and nodded to Gabriel in greeting and then returned to is reading where he researching the sigil left behind by his kidnappers.  
“Wow only a nod, am I not important enough for a proper greeting?”  
Sam rolled his eyes and continued reading.  
“Sam I wanted to apologise,” Gabriel said turning suddenly serious.  
Confused, Sam looked up.  
“I know you’re going through a lot of crap right now and I just feel I need to apologise for my addition to that crap.”  
“Gabe what are you talking about?” Sam said crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair.  
“Mystery Spot.” Gabriel said raising his eyebrows.  
Sam suddenly looked uncomfortable and shifted in his seat, “Oh,” Was all he could think to say.  
“Oh indeed. I just need you to know that I’m so sorry for it. I’m not expecting forgiveness I just… I’m just sorry.”  
“Gabe although I’m not particularly fond of the way you did it, I understand why. The Apocalypse was so much more for you then you ever let on. They’re your family and I forgave you for that a long time ago. Anyway that’s not exactly the worst thing that’s happened to me. Lucifer always did have fun playing around with the image of Dean in the cage.”  
“Cas told me he was here. That couldn’t have been easy for you.”  
“Sure was chilly.” Sam said with a small smile.  
Gabriel moved closer to Sam with warmth in his eyes, he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but changed his mind about it. “How’s the research going?”  
“Alright, it’s looking like the banishing sigil is something really old. It also seems kind of angelic which is weird. It definitely has power given from Lucifer but it looks like it was made even before creation. We would’ve been able to find out more if Kevin…” Sam trailed off.  
“Kevin?” Gabriel prompted softly.  
“Kevin Tran, he was a prophet and… he didn’t make it…”  
“What happened?” Gabriel asked.  
“We um… we were trying to close the gates of Hell. I went through the trials and was at the last one. It would’ve killed me but Dean told me to stop, so I did. Thing was I was pretty near dead anyway. Dean sent out a prayer to all angels asking them to save me. One replied, Ezekiel he told Dean he could heal me but only from the inside. He needed to possess me. Dean and him, they managed to trick me into consenting. Later, we found out he was actually Gadreel and he was working for Metatron. I- He killed Kevin and I saw it, I felt it. My hands were what ended Kevin.” Sam’s face scrunched up in pain, he felt a tear fall down and he quickly wiped it away hoping Gabriel hadn’t seen it.  
Gabriel had. He didn’t mention it though. He just moved closer and put his arm around Sam. He knew he didn’t have to say anything. Sam didn’t need words right now, he needed to feel protected. “You didn’t kill Kevin,” Was all he whispered to him holding him close. 

“Hello Sam.” A voice Sam had never heard before but felt familiar and cold to him.  
Sam stood in a gloomy forest with coloured in grey, the ground coated in a thin layer of pure white snow. Sam turned to see who was talking to him. A man in a suit and dark hair stood smiling vindictively at him. “Lucifer.” Sam accused stiffening his stance.  
“In the flesh, so to speak, this guy isn’t going to last very long.” Lucifer said gesturing at his vessel.  
“I’m dreaming aren’t I?” Sam asked.  
Lucifer nodded.  
“What do you want?”  
“Sam I want what I’ve always wanted, I want what’s mine.”  
Sam’s tensed, “And that is?” He asked sensing the answer already.  
“You, Sam.”  
“Yeah well that’s not going to happen, it will never happen.” Sam glared.  
“What because my baby brother will protect you? Look Sam, Gabriel was never a match for me. I killed him once and I’ll kill him again if he tries to stop me from getting what’s mine.” Lucifer smirked at Sam’s surprised expression as he found out he knew Gabriel was back. “Yes, Sam, I know he’s back and I know you’ve been having some fun reminiscing old times with mummy as well. But Sam, I don’t want to hurt you, I never have.”  
Sam scoffed at that.  
“Hey now roomie, it’s true. Look I was a little annoyed at the whole stunt when you jumped in the cage with me and Michael, but hey, we’re cool now, aren’t we? You know working against Amara and all. And then I suppose there’s the whole thing about me grabbing you from the bunker when we all thought Dean was swan diving to death.”  
“You took me!” Sam exclaimed angrily.  
“Yeah, well technically not me exactly but I sent some higher up demons and showed them how to clear the bunker from angels and told them to play around with you for a bit. Though I must admit I was surprised how fast your brother dearest came to rescue you.”  
Sam began to say something but was cut off from Lucifer.  
“Now Sam, you’re waking up, but this has been fun. I’ll be seeing you sooner than you’d expect.

Sam jolted awake still leaning against Gabriel’s embrace.  
“Sam?” Gabriel asked, his face full of concern.  
“It’s Lucifer, he’s behind it all.” Sam gasped jumping up, “We need to get the others.” Sam said quickly.  
Gabriel flew immediately into action and helped Sam gather everyone in the lounge room.  
“Sam what’s wrong?” Dean asked striding into the room closely followed by Cas.  
Mary and Gabriel, who were already seated, looked up at Sam expectantly.  
“I had a dream, like I did when Lucifer first got out of the cage. It was him; he got some demons to take me away, he wants me as a vessel again. He was in some random guy but he said it was already burning out. And he knew… he knew everything. He knew that Gabe and mum are back. And he said… he said I’ll be seeing him sooner then I expect.” Sam blurted out quickly.  
“Okay… okay. Well admittedly this isn’t great but it’s nothing we haven’t dealt with before and hey! We know that he’s coming so we can prepare ourselves. Nothing will ever get you again Sam, I promise.” Gabriel said earnestly.  
“Well now brother, be careful what you promise.” A cold voice interrupted.  
Everyone stood up and all eyes shot over to where the voice came from, leaning against the doorframe was a man, different from the one in Sam’s dream.  
“Lucifer,” Gabriel growled.  
“Good to see you Gabriel, it’s been a while.” Lucifer smirked.  
“You aren’t touching him,” Gabriel said pulling out his blade, the usual warmth in his eyes replaced with an archangel’s wrath.  
Sam felt the anger from Gabriel and chill from Lucifer’s grace and he flinched internally not letting himself seem weak.  
Lucifer rolled his eyes, “Now brother, as much as I would love to fight again, I’m in a bit of a rush so I’ll just be taking what’s mine and be out of your hair. See you all around,” He said with a final smirk before disappearing and reappearing next to Sam. Sam felt a cold hand be placed on his shoulder and he was suddenly taken away.  
Gabriel, Cas, Mary and Dean all looked at the now empty space where Sam used to be standing. Gabriel showed a face of concentration and then confusion when nothing happened.  
“Well! What are you doing? Go get Sam!” Dean yelled.  
“I… I can’t! I can’t fly.” Gabriel said mirroring the look of horror that they all shared.  
Dean looked at Cas expectantly.  
“My wings are still damaged from Metatron’s ordeals.” Cas said.  
Gabriel began to sprint down the hall.  
“Gabriel!” Dean yelled, but he gave no reply. Dean, Mary and Cas ran after him and in an old storage room they saw Gabriel furiously scrub at a sigil. When a break had been made in the perfectly drawn rune, Gabriel disappeared.  
Cas walked up to the now broken sigil, “This sigil was placed by Lucifer to specifically stop Gabriel from being able to fly. Gabriel has rubbed it out enough to regain use of his wings and he seems to be looking for Sam…” Cas trailed off.  
“Okay, that’s good isn’t it? Gabriel’s looking for Sam, he’ll find him and it’ll all be good.” Dean said.  
“Dean, this was all planned, the sigil gave only a few minutes of a head start to Lucifer but that’s all he would need. I’m unsure whether Gabriel will be able to find Sam.” Cas said morosely.  
“We’re not just giving up!” Mary interjected.  
“Of course not, but we may have to find other means to locate him.” Cas responded.  
Mary began to nod slowly, “We found him before. We’ll find him again.”  
“Last time we were meant to find him. We may have found him earlier than expected but we were meant too! This time, Lucifer wants him for a vessel; he’s not going to give him up easily.” Dean said, all colour drained from his face.  
“We will find him, Dean.” Cas said placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder and moving their foreheads closer so they were resting against each other’s.  
Dean closed his eyes and let the short moment or intimacy wash over him. He took a shaky breath and nodded. “Okay, let’s find Sam.”

“So Sam, want to make this easier for everyone and just consent now?” Lucifer asked softly circling around the chair Sam was tied to.  
“Screw you.” Sam replied calmly. He expected himself to feel fear and panic and pain whilst sensing Lucifer’s grace, but instead the pain was minimal. It was as if the prospect of being in the same room with him and the after effects of it all were worse than whatever Lucifer did to him. So he remained calm and strong,  
Lucifer moved to the front of the chair and crouched down so he was eye level with Sam. Sam turned his head away but Lucifer grasped his chin and jerked it so they were looking into each other’s eyes. Sam’s hazel eyes were hard and determined and Lucifer’s icy blue eyes were cold and roguish.  
“Now Sam,” He breathed softly, “Do you really want me to do this the hard way? Because you know fully well what I’m capable of.”  
“Your tricks were beginning to get old in the cage, what else do you have to do to me that you haven’t already done?” Sam asked defiantly.  
Lucifer pondered over this for a few seconds before letting go of Sam’s face again, standing up and walking around the chair, “That’s true; I suppose my tricks were getting a bit old back when we were roomies. But since you didn’t have a body for most of it and I admit the idea did only come to me recently…” Lucifer stopped at the back of the chair where he leant in close to Sam’s ear, “But now I’ve got a new game we can play.” He whispered.  
Sam automatically flinched at the sound of Lucifer’s soft and cold voice so close to him. The door to the room he was being held in opened and in walked two demons carrying a glass of a dark red, almost black, thick liquid. Sam’s heart began to pound in his chest as he realised what it was. He uselessly struggled against the bonds holding him to the chair in sheer panic.  
Demon blood.  
“Now Sam,” Lucifer cooed into his ear. He moved one hand around Sam’s cheek and the other he moved to the top of his head where he began to rhythmically pat him. “Open wide.”  
Sam clenched his mouth shut, determined not to swallow any of it.  
Once of the demons moved to open his mouth with the help of Lucifer, the other then proceeded to pour it down his throat. Lucifer then moved his hand over Sam’s mouth and nose.  
“Come now, you used to like this stuff.” Lucifer whispered to Sam as the demons left the room.  
Sam continued to struggle against his bonds and groaned.  
He felt the blood in his mouth, warm, thick and begging him to swallow it. His mouth already began to tingle with the reminiscent feeling of power. He felt his cravings come back, washing over him like a tsunami. His stomach cramped, every part of his body was screaming in pain for him to swallow. But he couldn’t.  
Suddenly his head began to feel light; he was running out of oxygen.  
Lucifer continued to pat his hair and hummed patiently.  
Sam’s eyes began to flutter close, his brain felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t control his body properly. Despite everything he tried to do, he couldn’t help but feel the blood slip down his throat. Lucifer noticed that Sam had finally swallowed it and removed his hand where Sam proceeded to gasp for air.  
“See that wasn’t too hard now was it? Now Sam, I told you I didn’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to but you’re going to drink this blood and then you’re going to say yes. You’re not ever going to see your family again until you do either, it’s just you and me and a bunch of demon blood donors. I’ve been in your head once before Sam, I know you, we were meant to be one and no matter what you do, you will be my vessel. You. Are. Mine. And don’t forget it.” With that, Lucifer walked away from Sam and left the room.

Dean walked back into the bunker and slammed the door. It had now been a week and they were still no closer to finding Sam.  
“Dean.” Cas greeted.  
“Hey Cas, anything?”  
“No, but Gabriel has returned.” Cas said.  
Gabriel hadn’t been seen or heard from since Sam was taken, and Dean, who was already in a bad mood, was not about to jump for joy just because the archangel had returned with what appeared to be no information on where his little brother was.  
Dean followed Cas and walked into the lounge room where Gabriel was sitting on a couch.  
“Heya Deano,” Gabriel said with a tired smile.  
“Where the hell have you been?!” Dean yelled, “Sam is missing and you don’t feel the need to even check in with us, tell us if you’ve found anything or maybe give us some tips on where your lunatic brother is?!”  
Gabriel stood up and Dean realised why Archangels were God’s fiercest weapons. His eyes glinted dangerously and although he was much shorter than Dean, Dean was the one taking a step back feeling completely inferior. “Dean I would really watch your tone right now, I have just spent the past week looking for your brother unsuccessfully and I am in no mood to deal with you taking your anger out on me.” He said it calmly but his tone radiated power.  
“I need him.” Dean whispered.  
The powerful anger Gabriel emitted drained away leaving a pitying but understanding expression. “I promise you, we’ll get him back.”

“Heya Sammy.” Lucifer said cheerfully walking into Sam’s cell.  
At times they would let Sam out of the chair but instead of moving around he would curl up into a corner and try to ignore the cravings that sent his stomach into cramps. They came in three times a day. In the morning with a cup of blood they had to force down his throat, around noon with some actual food and then at night with another cup of blood. Sam didn’t eat the food and fought against the blood being poured down his throat despite his body screaming for more.  
Lucifer was walking in with the nightly dose of blood with two demons.  
Sam was still strapped securely to the chair and Lucifer took his usual place behind the chair cradling Sam’s face and forcing his mouth open. Sam was weak from not eating food, the cravings and barely sleeping in the time he’d been here, he put all of his little strength into fighting against the blood.  
“You know Sammy,” Lucifer said thoughtfully whilst covering Sam’s mouth and nose, “I understand you fighting the blood, I mean I think it’s stupid, it’s obvious you want it so bad, but I get it, last time some issues followed it, but what about human food? Believe it or not it’s not poisoned and you’re only hurting yourself more not eating, you’re only making yourself weaker. And Sammy, if you’re trying to kill yourself, don’t bother, I’ll just bring you back. Not that you believed me all those times you tried.”  
Noticing Sam had swallowed the blood, Lucifer removed his hand, “Look Sam, please just say yes, stop the pain, I know how much you want the blood, honestly even I’m surprised that you’re still fighting it.”  
“Screw you.” Sam stammered out still gasping for breath.  
Lucifer tilted his head, staring at Sam thoughtfully. “I suppose if you don’t want the blood then I shouldn’t force you, but I suggest you eat.” With a cruel wink Lucifer walked away.  
Sam’s heart was beating fast. On one note he was overjoyed that he’d stopped being forced to drink the blood, but on the other hand his heart sunk knowing that now he’d have to go through withdrawal.  
Sam closed his eyes and took shaky breaths anticipating the worst.

It had now been three weeks since Sam had been taken by Lucifer. The only good thing that had happened during that time was that Dean and Cas seemed to get over their ‘no homo bro’. Although their relationship was obviously more intimate now, they didn’t parade it a lot, especially when Dean, who felt as though he should be singing with joy, was really feeling as if he was drowning in a sea of sorrow.  
The differences between Cas and Dean were small but somewhat noticeable. They stood closer to each other, they squeezed each other’s hands when the other was obviously in a particular bad mood and they never seemed to leave each other’s side.  
“We’re no closer to finding Sam then we were when he was first taken.” Dean grumbled.  
“Lucifer’s being especially careful not to leave any clues to him particularly but he’s got his demons all around making no clear pattern to where he could be.” Gabriel said his voice flat.  
“Can we try another locating or summoning spell?” Mary asked.  
“I mean we can try but we’ve already done pretty much all of them and Lucifer’s smart.” Gabriel replied.  
“Well I can’t just sit around doing nothing; I’m going to try some.” Mary said standing up.  
“We’ll help.” Cas said gesturing to Dean and himself.  
Gabriel nodded, “Okay I’m going to fly around and see what I can pick up on, see you guys later.” 

“Sammy, how’re you feeling?” Lucifer asked in what seemed like a kind tone but what Sam sensed to be mockery.  
Sam didn’t reply. His body felt like it was on fire, his hallucinations were sending him down yet another path of self-destruction, he had been flung around the room like a rag doll and every fibre of his being was screaming for blood.  
Sam had forgotten ow strong the call to blood was, when he went through withdrawal after dealing with famine he didn’t remember it hurting so much.  
“I have a gift for you Sammy.” Lucifer said softly.  
Sam didn’t bother getting up from the corner of the room where he was curled up in to a ball.  
A cold hand to his shoulder made him jump and the firm grip forced him to face Lucifer. There he stood Lucifer crouching beside him with a tall glass of demon blood. His mind went blank not making coherent thoughts. All he could see and smell was the blood.  
“It’s yours Sammy,” Lucifer whispered.  
A small part of Sam knew it would be wrong to drink it but he was hurting and that part of his mind was so small ad miniscule compared to the raging fire of desire that called for the blood.  
Weak, Sam leant against the wall and scrunched his eyes closed, clamped his mouth shut and tried to ignore the blood in front of him. Lucifer laughed softly and opened Sam’s mouth with ease, from there he poured the liquid down Sam’s throat and at the taste of it Sam knew he had lost. With little help from Lucifer, Sam had drained the entire glass of blood and was feeling better than he had in weeks.

Four weeks had passed.  
Dean was restless with nothing to do and in a constant state of panic when thinking about what was happening to his little brother.  
Gabriel tried his best to keep spirts up, but it was a losing battle.  
Dean, Cas, Mary and Gabriel sat in the lounge room in silence. Dean was curled up into Cas and Cas’ arm was placed around him. Mary was absentmindedly stirring her coffee and Gabriel was forlornly looking into the distance.  
Suddenly Gabriel stood up. “Cassie, please tell me I’m not the only one sensing that.”  
Cas stood up too, “I feel it brother.”  
“Feel what?” Mary and Dean asked.  
“Daddy dearest seems to be paying us a visit.” Gabriel said.  
“Daddy?” Mary questioned, eyebrows raised.  
“God, God is here.” Clarified Cas.  
“Hi everyone.” A new voice said.  
They all looked towards the direction of the voice and stared at Chuck, the almighty and powerful God.  
No one spoke and silence filled the air awkwardly.  
“I suppose you have a few questions.” Chuck said simply.  
“Yeah, why are you here?” Dean asked angrily.  
“I’m here to help.” Chuck said.  
“Help us?” Mary asked curiously.  
“Help bring Sam home. That boy has given everything and it is unfair that Lucifer must torment him more.” Chuck said plaintively.  
“So he’s alive?” Dean asked letting hope fill him, “He’s alive and he hasn’t said yes yet?”  
“Yes. From what I can tell, he hasn’t yet said yes and yes he is alive although in a mass amount of pain.”  
“So where is he?” Asked Gabriel.  
“You need not worry, I’ll bring him home.” Chuck said smiling slightly.  
“What so we don’t get to help? No way! I’m coming, he’s my brother!” Dean yelled.  
Chuck smiled again, “How I wish Michael and Lucifer were like you two. But I’m sorry Dean, you can’t come. I will be back soon with Sam and Lucifer will be in heaven, locked up. It seems we have more fixing to do then I first anticipated.”  
And with that Chuck left.

Lucifer had just let him start detoxing again and Sam was curled up in a corner trying to fight the pain he was feeling.  
He heard Lucifer walk in, but he didn’t say anything but instead seemed to observe him  
Sam really didn’t care, he’d only eaten what they’d forced down his throat so he’d survive and his sleep wasn’t restful if any came to him.  
“Lucifer. Stop.” A new voice that sounded familiar said. Sam didn’t have any strength to look up so he instead ignored the sounds surrounding him, unsure whether they were even real or not.  
“Father?” Asked a surprised Lucifer.  
“Let Sam go.” Chuck said power flooding his voice.  
“You meant for Sam to be mine! I’m just taking what I already own.” Lucifer snarled.  
“Sam is not an object, he is a person.” Chuck retaliated.  
Lucifer scoffed, “Your pathetic humans, you always loved them more than your own family. More than me!” Lucifer yelled.  
“We will talk later.” Chuck said before moving Lucifer to a guarded cell in heavens dungeons.  
Chuck moved over to Sam slowly and Sam could barely comprehend what was going. He felt a hand on his shoulder but it was warm and soft and comforting, it seemed to dull the pain a little. Suddenly Sam was in the bunker lying in the middle of the lounge room. He was welcomed by a scream of fright by Mary and yelling of his name by Dean.  
Sam was barely conscious and Chuck was hovering over him. Slowly he drained what was remaining of the demon blood, he fixed any injuries he had sustained there and he put him to a much needed sleep all while whispering enochian words of love.  
“ **Peace Sam. Feel peace and love. You are safe and with your loved ones. Now sleep and rest.** ” Chuck whispered.  
“Gabriel, can you please move him to his bed.” Chuck said.  
Gabriel leapt to action straight away and flew Sam into his room and took special effort in tucking him in so he was comfortable. Before he left he pressed a small kiss to Sam’s temple before flying back to the group.  
“Sam has been healed, he will be needing to eat some more and he’ll need to rest but he will be fine.” Chuck said.  
“What did Lucifer do to him?” Dean glared.  
Chuck sighed, “Lucifer forced him to drink demon blood and then put him through detox. After the detox symptoms seemed to be lessening, he gave Sam more blood and then again made him go through another detox.”  
“Detox?” Mary asked in a shaky voice.  
Dean sighed, “When he drank demon blood it gave him all the powers but it was like a drug, so when he couldn’t get a fix he went through the withdrawal. It was really bad, he saw hallucinations, I think he mentioned once that the hallucinations tortured him, he was thrown around the room and that only stopped because we had chained him down.”  
“Will he have to go through that now?” Mary asked looking at Chuck.  
“No, nothing but the original taint is left in him now, I cleared it all out.”  
Mary sighed in relief and nodded gratefully to Chuck.  
“Also I feel I should tell you this even though I don’t want to, Sam chose not to eat what food was given to him, the only reason he’s alive now is that the blood forced down his throat carried some nutrients and Lucifer forced small bits of food into Sam as well.” Chuck said hesitantly.  
“Sammy.” Dean groaned.  
“What does that mean?” Mary asked fearfully, feeling the tension surround her.  
“It means that Sam decided again that he’d rather die than become Lucifer’s vessel.” Chuck said morosely.  
“Again?” Growled Dean.  
Chuck raised his eyebrows slightly, “Dean do you know how many times Sam has died?”  
“Umm…” Dean paused to think, “There was cold oak, the time some guy wished him dead, the time we died to become ghosts, when we were shot by hunters and when he jumped into the cage so 5 times.”  
“Sam has died 5 times!” Mary said absolutely horrified.  
“No… Sam has died 14 times.” Chuck said.  
“Since when?” Glared Dean.  
“When Sam let out Lucifer, Lucifer visited him in his dreams every night. Sam’s sleep was restless with whatever Lucifer was doing in his head. When Lucifer told Sam that he was his vessel, Sam said he’d kill himself before he consented. Lucifer then told him that if Sam died, then Lucifer would just bring him back to life. Sam was unsure whether Lucifer was telling the truth so he shot himself in the head. Then when he came back to life, he stabbed himself in the heart, then electrocuted himself and so on… Sam killed himself 9 times trying to prevent himself from being Lucifer’s vessel.” Chuck explained sadly.  
Dean looked like he was going to be sick, Mary looked as if she was about to pass out, Cas looked sad and defeated and Gabriel had a flurry of emotions pass over his face ranging from sadness to anger to pity.  
“I’m going to stay with Sam,” Was all Gabriel managed to say before disappearing from everyone and reappearing next to a peacefully sleeping Sam.

The next morning Gabriel was still in Sam’s room after convincing Dean to catch some Z’s when he’d waited with Gabriel for many hours. Gabriel noticed that Sam was beginning to wake up so he moved back a bit so he didn’t seem like he was hovering.  
Sam’s eyes fluttered open and weakly looked around the room, he stopped when he saw Gabriel.  
“Gabriel?” he whispered in confusion. He tried to get up but winced in pain so Gabriel hurried over and gently pushed Sam back into his bed.  
“Hey there Samsquatch, take it easy okay.” Gabriel said comfortingly moving Sam’s hair out of his face.  
“Are you real?” Sam asked.  
“Real as ever kiddo,” Gabriel smiled, “How’re you feeling?”  
“Pretty terrible, but not as bad as I think I should be feeling.” Sam admitted, “What happened?”  
Gabriel sighed, “After Luci took you we couldn’t find you. We searched and searched and searched but we found nothing. Anyway out of nowhere Dad shows up and comes in to save you. He healed you best he could but with everything your body and soul has been through, it’s gonna take some time before you’re 100% again.”  
“Why would God save me?” Sam mumbled.  
“Sam Winchester you will be the death of me.” Gabriel said whilst smiling sadly.  
“Where’s Dean?”  
“I think in his room.”  
“I want to see him.” Sam said and attempting to get out of bed.  
“Woah, hold your horses there Sambo,” Gabriel said gently pushing Sam back into his bed.  
“Come on Gabe, I’m not going to stay on bed rest because I yawned a couple of times, now let me up.” Sam argued.  
“Sorry Sambo, not happening, I'm telling Cas to bring Dean in now.”  
Sam sighed and stopped resisting against Gabriel’s hold.  
No more than two seconds later, Sam heard the sound of feet sprinting to Sam’s room.  
Dean stopped at the door staring in with wide eyes and breathing heavily, he suddenly ran in and embraced Sam tightly.  
“Sammy, you okay?”  
Sam laughed softly, “I’m fine Dean, Gabe, over here, has just been taking your position of mother hen.”  
“I’m so sorry, we couldn’t find you, we tried everything but…” Dean stammered.  
“Dean, I’m fine I swear, actually better than I have been in a while, so quit worrying, and stop feeling so guilty, it’s not your fault, none of it is.”  
“He is right their Deano, this isn’t your fault,” Gabriel said.  
“Now if you all don’t mind, I’m getting up.” Sam said.  
“No way, Sam, not happening.” Dean said.  
“I was healed by God himself, I’m fine.”  
“Yeah well God himself said you needed to rest.” Dean glared.  
“Dean, let me up, I promise I won’t do anything but walk around a bit, I need to stretch a bit anyway.” Sam rebutted.  
Dean sighed and gave a small nod to Gabriel to let him up. Gabriel glared at Sam but let him up. Sam swung his legs over the bed and got up, only a little shaky but a hell of a lot more balanced then he expected. Dean immediately rushed over to help support Sam, but Sam just waved him off.  
The went to walk to the lounge room where Mary, Cas and Chuck were waiting, Sam walking in the front and Dean and Gabriel both hovering at the back making sure he was okay. Sam, noticing this, smiled slightly to himself.  
Entering the lounge room, the taller man was suddenly attacked by a strong hug from Mary.  
“Sam.” She breathed.  
Holding her close Sam smiled, “Mum.”  
“Good to see you on your feet, Sam.” Chuck said kindly while smiling.  
“Good to be on my feet,” Grinned Sam, “I suppose I have you to thank for that.”  
“Yeah took him long enough.” Dean mumbled.  
“It was nothing,” Chuck replied, ignoring Dean. “ **But Sam, I understand how hard this has been for you. My son has done unforgiveable things now and prior to this. No amount of apologising will ever make up for what he did but I do want to say I am so very sorry. I also know this left you feeling weak and vulnerable, hurting when my children use grace but I want you to know that you are not weak for what you’re feeling, but stronger. Your soul has been through so much pain and torment, but it glows brighter and stronger because of it. You sense grace easier but the pain you feel is controllable, when you were with Lucifer before, you needed to be strong and so you were which is why his presence didn’t affect you as greatly as you believed it would. When Gabriel arrived here, you weren’t prepared which is why you felt pain then, but soon you will be able control these feelings around grace it and it will no longer hurt you, have faith Sam things will get better.** ” Chuck said swapping to Enochian for a more private conversation.  
“ **I don’t know if I’m as strong as you think.** ” Sam replied.  
“ **You’re not, you’re even stronger.** ” Chuck smiled. “ **Goodbye Sam, may peace find you yet.** ” Chuck gave a final nod and disappeared.  
“Sam?” Dean said.  
“Dean.” Sam smiled.  
“You speak Enochian?”  
“Yep,” Sam grinned.  
“Right.” Dean said.  
“Come on, let’s eat.” Sam said looking around at his small family.  
“Dibs on the pie.” Dean said.  
His small, messed up and absolutely perfect family.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr - iwishiwasinteresting


End file.
